Things

My grandmother died on Saturday. I have to say, it's hard whether the person you love is 7 or almost 87.

When I got the call, I was my usual calm self. Listening to my mom. Hearing how she took her last breath. Then I hung up the phone. I turned to Eric and sobbed in his chest, leaving stains of mascara.

"Mommy, why are you sad?" A three year-old can't really understand. But for three, she really does try to empathize.

I have to say, I hadn't really shed many tears for Grandma since the day she died. I guess I felt relieved. Who wants their imminent death to linger? Peace is something I wanted for her. Something I longed for her.

But then today I was helping to put together the online memorial. Wow times have changed. Now we put obits online and add all the pictures we want. Change sometimes can be cathartic.

As I was leaving I asked about what Grandma was going to be buried in. I was thinking clothes. But then Mom showed me the personal effects in the extra large Tupperware-like container. Grandma's red-rimmed glasses, golden heart broach, green-stone ring, and delicate cross necklace, all etched in my memory, were also a part of the to-be-buried effects. I couldn't let those things be covered with dirt. Those things were more than things.

Sometimes things are laced with memories. Laced with parts of people we love.

Now I'm not material. At least not in a disposable way. But I do think photos and memories can fade. And sometimes things jog the memory. Especially when the memory is getting older by the minute.

I couldn't bear grandma's ring, glasses, cross necklace, and broach to be buried along with her earthly remains. Thankfully, after some thought, dad agreed.

As I was tearfully getting in the car to leave, he hastily approached me at the driver-side door and handed me a very emotional white envelope. Thankfully he knew I meant the tears I shed. Thank you dad. I will forever cherish the things in that envelope.

Sometimes tears, much needed tears, for things is.... healthy.